So what does a 12-hour work week look like?

Hiking Sainte Colome with my colleague, Myriam, and her daughter.

I leave France in approximately three weeks. I don't want to count the days.

Before then, I'll be having a goodbye party with my colleagues and friends. I'll have Pam and Elaïa over. And then I leave for Bordeaux and then ... back to my life in the states. And now, unexpectedly, I have no idea what the rest of 2015 will look like for me.

For the past three years, I've had an idea of what would come next for me. Three years ago, I planned to study on a farm in the forest (UCSC, Santa Cruz, CA) and then dreamed of taking the leap to Europe to see someone I thought I had a chance with (the present moment). And just a few weeks ago, I had a plan for what I'd do after TAPIF. I'd move to San Francisco or Seattle and pursue job prospects in environmental education and sustainable food. (If there's anything TAPIF has taught me, it's that I have the potential to become a teacher.) But this time, I've been forced to put my future plans on hold after hearing about my mother's grave illness. It makes me sad that after all this time of manifesting my dreams, I have to go back to living in the Los Angeles suburbs, a place that I've been intentionally escaping, for reasons that I'd rather not face. I've been wallowing in sadness for the past two weeks and on the brink of depression. And it's only now that I've come to realize that experiencing sadness is okay and is part of the emotional spectrum of the human condition. It's part of the experience of the present moment. Sadness has to be completely felt, like happiness, you know. It can be achingly beautiful.

Afternoon walk with my colleague Myriam and her dog.

Looking back over my time here in Europe, I'm only half satisfied. I felt like I didn't travel enough (although I've traveled 4 different countries, which is a lot, I think, for me) or didn't take enough risks, didn't meet enough people, didn't... etc. I laugh at myself for having come to Europe for love. But I'm also so grateful that I've found love in myself for taking a chance. And now I'm here in France... in this comfortable and spacious apartment with a spectacular view of the Pyrenees living with the most kindest and raddest flatmate. How that intention to find love manifested in my temporary life here in southern France is amazing. The people I've met and the small community of support and generosity makes me so grateful and happy. I'm already creating a list of things, places, people I'll miss when I leave. But it's a little too soon for that... For now, I'll go back to staring at the clouds pass by with a view of the Pyrenees in the background.

Sunset view from my apartment in Oloron. View of the Pyrenees in the background.